Experts on what is or isn't annoying.
Published on HivePostify by @d4deb · Sat Jun 27 2026
This is kind of where it all starts for me. But before we look into how to become an expert in what's annoying and what isn't, let's go back to my decision on how I would parent you.
My father was a nightmare! Most fathers are. They spank their children and they're very strict on the kids as they grow up. I watched my father die from age four to age seven. So I only dealt with it up until then.
My mom tried to be strict like my dad. She did hit and she used painful objects to hit with. But, that only lasted until we were in our teens. After that, we could run.
When I became your dad, I decided to parent a different way. I would hit very infrequently and never raise a welt. Only on the butt with my hand. As a matter of fact, I made sure that it didn't even hurt you. You know this story, but for those who might be confused, I will explain.
I would pop your little bottom during play while we're laughing and running around and got no reaction. I increased the force until I got a reaction where you stopped and looked at me and then continued laughing and running. That was my gauge and after the "sore spot" so to speak, I would hit lighter than that when I was punishing you.
I had gone the route of time out and in some cases, time out followed by a spank. The spanks were metered that way.
I always wanted to know what you wanted to do and how you wanted to do it. And then we would discuss options after we succeeded or failed with your idea. I praised you when your idea worked and we had a really good life when you were very small. A bit later, I started to defend your idea in that it had worked, though not in a way that would make it last or something of that nature. If it was a bad idea, I did not have the heart to tell you so.
Since then, my children have become experts in what is annoying and they squawk when something's annoying. They will do anything to get away from that thing that is annoying. This is something that makes me question my parenting style. I never wanted my kids to fear me, and then sometime in their 20s or 30s, they could say, "I'm glad you were tough on me."
That's the way it was with me and my mom. When I got older, I understood which she had done and why, especially after I had kids. Still, I didn't want that for you guys.
When you were a kid I would give you three tries to do things your way using your ideas. The fourth try would be my idea. Remember building the gokart? I would never let you fail over and over and over again. But life is actually exactly that way. Failure isn't a bad thing as long as you learn from it.
I'm not sure what happened. Somewhere along the line, you became the dad. You stopped taking my suggestions after the third try. Your habit became competing. Your idea against mine. "But mine works too." you would say.
More years went by and any suggestion from me, cause you to snap at me. When you've lived at Mom's house, we always get along because I don't see you very often. When you're living here, we butted heads more often. But instead of you changing due to my suggestions, I got tired of being yelled at and would stop challenging you.
So I was taking more lip from you and at the same time, you were getting more picky and snapping at me about littler thing.
Somewhere along the line, all my talk of tweaking ideas and making them work better, look better, last longer got thrown under the bus. And if I tried to talk to you about it, I would get yelled at. I have always led by example and yelling was not part of that example. Neither was leaving.
There are other things that I did while leading by example and we'll get into that in another letter.
I know you're getting out of school and you're big now. But, I don't have much time left and there is a lot I'd like you to understand. You picked a really bad time to move out stop answering my messages.
Something will be left to point you here when you get your inheritance.
Love Dad.
Tags: #hive-126152#deb#parenting#reflection#relationship#story