I Spent a Week Living Like I Had Given Up
Published on HivePostify by @macchiata · Mon Aug 03 2026
For the past week, I’ve lived like I had no job.
I woke up extremely late, spent the days consuming content like a zombie, drifting through days without clear goals. I lived life like I was depressed and feeling like I was voluntarily chained one more time. I don’t even go outside unless there is a church function.
It’s not as extreme as my previous years where I’d go completely shut down and never fight the feeling. This time, something shifted. I felt like I’ve seen this all over again and wondered, will I spend the next 10,20 or 30 years living like this?
Obviously not.
I already felt like I was behind in life. But honestly, it wasn’t the first time I felt that way.
I always feel that way.
The first lesson that I was given was roughly 3 years ago where I shouldn’t feel behind in life and shouldn’t rush anything. I didn’t really understand everything then.
I met a 70 year old backpacking through Laos, living in hostels like a 20 year old does. It astounds me that they did that. I wanted to be that person too in the future.
Well, all that didn’t really register to me until recently, I met more 60-80 year olds living their life to the fullest. It takes a lot for them to get into that position in life, multiple bankruptcies that I wouldn’t even think about. Their money was never paid to them and it’s not just a dollar or two, it’s thousands of $$ and they’re still living and breathing.
They’ve been through multiple hardships but still breathing and comfortably making it. Knowing that they can easily make thousands of $$ in just a month finally made sense to me.
Some people get them early… Some people get them later…
Social media likes to highlight people who get them early but rarely highlight those who get them later. But I finally got it. Even for me seeing younger people make it in life earns my admiration, not necessarily respect but for those older people, they earn my respect and admiration for having made it through everything.
If I had learned the lesson after that Laos trip and was ready for that lesson. I would’ve slowed down a lot and enjoyed a season of hard work. I would’ve been braver, lowered my ego, I would’ve used my privilege, I would let myself be a beginner and never feel embarrassed. I would be fine with failures too and bounce back faster.
But I wasn’t ready to hear all that.
The lesson didn’t arrive too late. I simply met all those before I was capable of understanding it. There were many instances like that. I was never behind at all. I was always early but I never equipped myself with understanding.
I also learned that being early to everything isn’t necessarily an advantage especially when you’re impatient. But it can be an advantage when you’re willing to learn more, wait a bit, and stay persistent. It is all easier said than done. I would have probably said it multiple times but to finally grasp the concept and apply it is only something I am capable of at this age and time.
In my early 20’s, I have the ability to reflect and learn but never understand it. Now, I have all that and the ability to understand things more. And once again, reminded of this quote by my favorite writer, Hunter S Thompson.
> “I was feeling the pressure to decide what to do with my life. In some ways, that was good. If you feel like you are running out of time, you tend to do something.” The Rum Diary, By Hunter S thompson.
Now, I am back on the road again after I said Yes to a job that I don’t know when I’ll get paid for 😂
||| |-|- | 𝘊𝘦𝘮𝘺 (𝘰𝘳 𝘔𝘢𝘤) 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵, 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘮𝘣𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘬. 𝘏𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯: 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴? 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭, 𝘨𝘦𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘣𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘸𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯 𝘏𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘣 𝘢 𝘤𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺. |
Tags: #reflection#30before30#life#mindset#reflect